Top 10 Rappers Who Should Just Die In Their Sleep (Pure SATIRE)

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER

We here at Philly2AZ do not under any circumstances wish pain, suffering, disease, family grief, brain damage, despair, plague, financial hardship, beef, OR ACTUAL DEATH to anyone mentioned on this list. The title is specifically and absolutely intended to get you to read this post. If you have finished reading any parts of this PURELY SATIRICAL read then my mission was accomplished and controversy indeed does sell. If you like it, send it to your friends or get at me on twitter @DjEmceeHipHop. If you take offense to this or any other post on this site, it's totally your right but you're probably not that bright. It's SATIRE!! Dictionary.com if you're not sure of the meaning. Also do not call me out for incorrect grammar, misspellings or run on sentences. I'm not a Geometry major (see Waka Flocka below). The ignorance I'm about to reveal will more than make up for any mistakes I may make. Please don't take this seriously other than the fact that I really LOVE HIP-HOP and my passion has driven me to start a movement with my boy @Philly2AZ to rid Hip-Hop of this nonsensical bullshit. At the very least we can steer you in the right direction of some purely dope shit and good music from artists with integrity who have the utmost respect for our Culture. I don't care how hot their tracks are, I hate these artists! I LOVE the CULTURE that these artists misrepresent. I hate them! Hate them like I hate George Bush, his Daddy and Republicans who talk from afar about what's wrong with Black people though they have no actual Black friends. Or Black Democrats who know exactly what our communities need yet do NOTHING to support the cause or give back.

So to any Stan's, fans, goons, groupie's or dude's (termed loosely) who approve of wearing skinny jeans with elastic around the ankles, who do not appreciate this brand of truthful, wishful thinking, Sam Jackson Pulp Fiction Ezekiel 25:17 before killing a mutha fucka, I'm joking but I'm dead serious at the same time, sense of humor, PLEASE STOP READING NOW BECAUSE YOU WILL BE OFFENDED. (In some cases the run-on sentence proves to be effective so to hell with your grammatically correct opinions. I did warn you.)

Have you ever just wished someone or something would just go away for good? Baby Momma, Baby Daddy, Taxes, Sarah Palin, Racism, Brett Favre?? I'm sure there are plenty of you who agree with me. The world will be a better place without some of these people or things. With that being said we have come up with a list of the 10 Rappers Who Should Just Die In Their Sleep. In no particular order, mind you. We don't care. Just Peacefully Expire. The sooner, the better. Say your prayers with me...

Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If anyone on this list ACCIDENTALLY gets hit by a Mack Truck.
Charge it to the game and please, please wake Biggie, Guru, Pimp C, Mac Dre, Proof, J-Dilla, Pac, Pun and Big L back up!

We used to call out wack MC's back in the day. We didn't tolerate it. We did not support garbage. Yes there were wack MC's back in the day. Ol'Heads tend to act like we can just scratch from the record that MC Hammer was a horrible Emcee but an incredible ENTERTAINER. Everything that came out of NY, Philly, Cali, Houston, Florida or ATL was not Gold just because it is OLD. But I do feel enough of a foundation has been set by our fore-fathers and fore-mothers that the nonsense that's being passed off as being anything closely related to the Culture of Hip-Hop is doing our children and young adults a disservice. As Black people we tend throw away our artists for the next big thing. We also tend to focus too much on what SELLS and not what's GOOD. With that said...

Record execs AKA The Overseer
Best and worst thing to happen to Hip-Hop?? Money got real!!. There are easy and hard ways to make money. There's hard work and shortcuts. I have white friends who love ol' school Hip-Hop. I sometimes randomly ask them who their favorites were. To make this plain I hear Tribe along with NWA as the most common answers. I love both groups. Tribe being my personal G.O.A.T. But NWA is an interesting answer. As a collective, they are incredible and still relevant. While their music told the real story of how things go down on the West Coast it also succeeded in selling the perceived ignorance of Black People to White America. "Got white boys calling themselves Nigga" KRS-One. Money got real when white people bought Hip-Hop. If they didn't have black friends, Hip-Hop was their way of connecting to what the media interpreted as, "all black people behave this way". Please do not say I'm blaming NWA or the West Coast for all of Hip-Hop's ills; the East Coast, Midwest and Dirty South are just as responsible as a whole. Ignorance however devolves over time. The message NWA was attempting to convey from 86 to 92 has devolved into the bastard children who rule the airways today and the companies who have taken short cuts to make a lot of money off of peoples failure to pay attention. Controversy sells. Look at TV today; Reality TV. Name a show where at least 3 roommates are not fighting or bleep, bleep, bleep does not happen at least 35 times in a 1 hour episode. Who thought we would ever see the day when Flavor Flav is kissing more women than Richard Dawson? Ignorance works on TV and works in Music. We also now know it works in social media. Somebody dies where does the news go...their Facebook page. What type of person were they? You're suspected of murder, where do the cops go...your Facebook page because you probably snitched on yourself with your dumb ass. This bullshit sells, execs know it. And if we do not stop buying it, the stupidity will continue to prevail.

Rick Ross AKA Fakin The Funk by Main Source
Now I know it's old news that William L. Roberts II was at one time a correctional officer or CO for short or those with a lisp (no disrespect). However lets get to the obvious. As of this post his real age is about 35 1/2. I say this because I call into question some of his lyrics that just don't quite add up. For example, Manuel Noriega. Noriega surrendered to the Vatican Embassy in Panama City, Panama on January 3, 1990. Been locked up ever since. Please refer to the 35 1/2 above and subtract approximately 21 1/2 years from it. That makes William about 14 years old at the time of Noriega's capture.
In the song "Hustlin"...William says, "I know Noriega, the real Noriega. He owe me a hundred favors"
The same Manuel Noriega who was a military dictator in Panama not Carol City, Florida (where William grew up) from 12/15/1983 to 12/20/1989, who basically "ran that ENTIRE drug shit" while William was anywhere from ages 8 to 14, in Carol City Florida, NOT Panama. Now, we know Hip-Hop braggadocio is is an essential part of being an MC. Putting your name out there as the baddest or coolest right? LL Cool J, Kool G. Rap, Big Daddy Kane. We also are willing to accept some lies along with your self-promotion. But am I really supposed to believe Manuel Noriega he had a weakness for young ashy black kids in Carol City, Florida and he just happens to owe William, again, approx age 8 to 14 during Noriega's time as dictator, approx 100 favors?? The same William who raps under the alias Rick Ross; the same Freeway Ricky Ross who is probably best known for "running that ENTIRE drug shit" in Los Angeles, CA in the early 1980s while William, in Carol City Florida (early 80's age approx 4 to 9) sat back and admired? I know it's only a couple lines but, "We don't believe you, you need more people" Jay-Z

Lil Wayne AKA Grace Jones
3 random approximately 12 year old white boys: "Do you have any songs from The Carter 4"?
Me: "No and Lil Wayne sucks"!!
3 random approximately 12 year old white boys: "Nooo, He's the best"!!!
He kissed Baby and wears leopard tights. (Random thought...have skinny jeans now evolved into leopard tights? Please tell me this isn't the 2012 fashion trend, PLEASE!!!) He's a rapper who sings (Damn you Kanye and your fuckin 808 's and Heartbreaks. Look WTF ya dun did!!!) in auto-tune and has appeared on ESPN's Around the Horn. I'm not sure what to say about Wayne that hasn't been said already. He's that funny dude from high school that ten years later at the reunion is telling the same jokes he told in high school only it's just not funny anymore because you're in a different place mentally. Maybe it's me but it seems that Wayne's crowd is the same crowd Eminem successfully targeted 8 to 10 years ago only Eminem has matured and tells better jokes.
Editor's Note: Em is full-retard on the Mic. One of the best to bless it.

"Degrassi" Drake.
He's STILL acting and has you fooled. It should have been "OVER" but I think light-skin is coming back (paging Al B. Sure and Christopher Williams). I will cut Drake some slack because I'm light-skindid and I was mad when Wesley Snipes, Taye Diggs and that singing mutha fucka from the Pepsi bus commercial (I know his damn name and I aint sayin it and you can't make me) basically took over the chick game. Light skin went soft when dark skin came thru and crushed the buildings. Drake just appears to be in the WRONG LANE. Feel me for a sec. I'm a huge De La Soul fan. If Drake could REALLY rhyme can't you just envision him in the "Me, Myself and I" video? Tribe's "Bonita" video? Again feel me for a sec. I'm Native Tongue till I die and I'm surely not comparing him lyrically to Pos, Dove, Tip or Phife. Just think of those videos, close your eyes for 5 seconds and I guarantee you can see Degrassi Drake wearing a multi-colored polka dot shirt and Hammer pants. He's just so out of place right now. Degrassi Drake is Chris Rock's character in CB4. "Backpacking" is not selling but "Simpin" is. Drake is a below average lyrical backpacker but a top notch lyrical simper. I wish Cinderella(Drake) would lose the glass(mic) from her foot(hands). He's not "Fancy".

Waka Flocka AKA Yeah, he really said that
106 & Park: What's your thought's on voting?
Waka: Votin? Votin cool. Votin good. Ima keep it real dough....Votin good dough like, you rilly spposed to git into it....(indecipherable for 3 seconds)...Ayo we gotta run that back!!!
106 & Park: What's your thoughts on education?
Waka:...my thoughts on education? ahh education big dough I aint even gonna lie. even dough I didn't finish and got my GED...but education big dough bruh.
106 & Park: You plan on ever going back?
Waka: Going Back?....I might study and do um.. tah um um um um... Geometry like...Ima a mathematic person, real talk, real talk.
If only Geometry was an actual a major!!! Real Talk!!!

Nelly AKA I got murdered by KRS and actually survived
I'm not really mad at Nelly. Dude played it smart and got PAID off of consumers ignorance. But I knew no matter how dope the beat to "E.I." was, the intro...

"Uh.. uh uh uh uh
Uh.. wait a minute now
Uh-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Uh, uh..
Can you hear me out there?
Lunatics.. is y'all ready?
Let me hear ya
Uh-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

...and hook

"Andele andele mami, E.I. E.I.
Uh-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What's poppin tonite?
Andele andele mami, E.I. E.I.
Uh-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! If the head right, Nelly there ery'night"

...was headed straight to the C- students or below. Dave Chappelle said it best...

"You ever been taken to the ghetto?...That's the worst time when you get taken and you're not expecting to go...I started lookin out the window. What the fuck? Gun store. Gun store. Liquor store. Gun store. Where the fuck you takin me!?!?

Nikki Minaj AKA What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine
Rapsody, MC Lyte, Lady Of Rage, Jean Grae, Bahamadia, Roxanne Shante, Salt & Pepa, LadyBug from Digable Planets, Queen Latifah, Rah Digga should I keep going? You're telling me none of these dope MC's can get any radio burn? So Nikki is the ONLY female MC alive in 2011? You're telling me by strictly looking at her, you do not hear and see Missy Elliott's changing voices and out there persona combined with Lil' Kim's bright wardrobe, wigs and flow? I believe the term used for this sort of thing is BITING. If you bit another rappers style or rhyme that was considered the ultimate offense in Hip-Hop culture, was it not? This shit is now ok? "Ruh Ruh like a dungeon dragon". Busta Rhymes...Scenario?? "Raow Raaoowww, direct from the lungs of the dragon unh" Busta Rhymes verse from BDK "Come on Down". Look, if a nigga says it twice it's his!! WTF!! Shit they called Antoinette the female Rakim. And while her flow, delivery and voice inflection was very similar to The God MC she wasn't good enough to fuck with MC Lyte and her career died (I did like her though, she was nice, but she lost). Nikki is indeed a BITER, point black. We've seen her act before. "hang it up, flatscreeeeen" SMDH.

Soulja Boy AKA Master Ring Tone Hook Writer
You have to give credit to a one hit wonder who has managed to stay relevant. In September 2007, his single "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100. The single was initially self-published on the internet, and it later became a number-one hit in the United States for seven non-consecutive weeks starting in September 2007. Shouldn't the whole 1 hit wonder thing have stopped right there? NOOOOOOOO. He had a dance too!! But you say Fat Joe had "Lean Back". And Dem Franchise Boyz had... What SB fostered in was a new wave of dances and a new wave of one hit wonders looking to cash in. "The John Wall", "The Stinky Leg" and of course "The Dougie". Soooo...
On August 17, 2010 Soulja Boy was listed at #18 on the Forbes list of Hip-Hop Cash Kings earning $7 million for that year. 7 million dollars!! He's still here off the strength of that one damn gawdawful song and dance. "Super soak that hoe". Good for the young man, horrible for Hip-Hop.

Lil B AKA The Cavity Creep
I'll keep this really short. Lil B is about 976 million bars from 50 Tyson, give or take 976 million bars. Lil B is late 70s early 80s black porn. Lil B is the coaches son that everyone knows can't play but he plays anyway. Lil B is the 2 Live Crew and Macy Grey's character from Training Day's love child.

Big Sean AKA Chingy
I'll let him quote himself from "A Million Dollars"...
"And we just started we nowhere near the outro,
I'll tell y'all what I'm about though.
High ends, high spending,
we just trying to end life on a high note, soprano.
And I was supposed to be on for a minute,
man I've been writing songs for a many.
And you can ask Kanye, you can ask G-Ro, you can ask Don C.
Hip hop why the hell you find a nigga like me?"...

Why Kanye why?

Thank you for reading and Feed Your Damn Kids!!